Counsellor & Psychotherapist
Masters of Counselling & Psychotherapy UofA
Member of the ACA College of Supervisors
Level 3 Member Australian Counselling Association
“We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.”
Define the Moment or Let the Moment Define You.
You will experience, at some point, a defining moment that can alter your life. And when it happens, it’s up to you to let that moment define you and become it’s victim, or you choose to be a victor. You can't change the circumstances that have been thrust upon you; however when you proactively respond to that moment, you turn it around because you choose to be the one to define how it will affect your life.
If you chose to be a victim, you will complain and be miserable about it. You will feel helpless and do nothing to improve your situation. As such, you will let the moment define your life, wherever it will take you. And most probably, it will take you nowhere but down to unhappiness, hardship and misery, because you find yourself stuck in the “Why did this happen to me?" question.
Feelings of “It’s not fair, why do other people have it easier", feeling betrayed by the injustice of the situations are perfectly normal responses to life's unpleasant challenges.
It is OK to grieve for the “loss” that you have experienced – the trick is not to fall into the trap of “wallowing” in the situation or allowing it to define you.
It is important to remember you are not the experience. The bad event and others bad treatment of you does not therefore make you valueless.
Unsplash Brendan Church
Choosing to be a victor, does not change the events themselves. What it does do is change your perspective in relation to the event.
It moves you to a position of personal power, as you are not trapped in the self-defeating cycle of complaining and blaming.
Of course, if it is a legal matter, you will pursue through the appropriate channels with the support of suitably qualified people. However, there comes a time for healing.
Healing comes when you accept and adapt to the moment that changed the circumstance your life and let go of the “This shouldn’t have happened to me story”.
You understand that if you cannot change something, the best way to deal with it is to move on and find new opportunities or learn to adapt. This change of perspective will ensure that this moment does not define you. You define how the moment will lead your life to the future.
You take control by choosing what you can control and letting go of what you cannot. You shift your focus to what empowers you. By confining your energy to what you can influence you give yourself the best chance of success.
Unsplash Wesley Eland
You have the power to be victorious in any situation.
Becoming a victor is the capacity to define your life. If you do, you will be able to better cope with any changes or negative circumstances that will happen in your life. You stop the blame game, the habit of complaining and condemning other people.
Instead, you will start to take charge of your life. You understand that it is you, not other people or circumstance who are responsible for the impact of “negative events” on your life. You understand that up until now you didn’t know that you can choose to respond differently to the “bad” or “unwanted experiences in your life. You understand that because “bad” things have happened to you, it doesn’t make you a “bad” person. You understand that bad things can happen to good people and you get to choose through taking responsibility for what you can change/influence that you can have a good life.
The challenges we face regarding our health (physical & mental) or from the relationships we have had do not define us – it is the choices we make in response to these challenges that does that.
So our job is to choose that which helps us to be the “Best me that we can be”.