Home    Subscribe    Write for Us    FAQ    Contact    HubGarden    Login

Is Your Communication Style Passive?

by Shelley Murphy (follow)
Shelley Murphy Counsellor & Psychotherapist Masters of Counselling & Psychotherapy UofA Member of the ACA College of Supervisors Level 3 Member Australian Counselling Association Email: Counsellor@outlook.com.au Web: AdelaideAnxietyTherapy.com https:/ www.facebook.com/ShelleyMurphyCounselling/ @GrowinEsteem
Relationships (8)      Communication (4)      Assertiveness (4)      Self-Esteem (3)      Self-Help (2)      Honesty (1)      Passive (1)      Aggressive (1)     

Photo by Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash
Unsplash Paweł Czerwiński

As a therapist, a great deal of my time is spent in helping people to find their voice. There is a very real difference between having a voice, making a noise and ensuring that you are being heard.

The quality of our communication literally speaks volumes about how we feel about ourselves and what we expect to receive from the world.

Many of us get confused between assertiveness and aggressiveness and what confuses the issue more is when we are frightened of those two forms of communication we can slip into passive communication.

Passive communication is kind of a round about way of protecting ourselves from drawing criticism or being seen as pushy. What it does do potentially is turns us into door mats.

So lets check it out and see if you are guilty of putting yourself in such a position by communicating passively.

Photo by Ashley Batz on Unsplash
Unsplash Ashley Batz

Passive communicators are guilty of the following

Not expressing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs honestly

Violating your own rights, and the rights of others by assuming the other person won't be able to handle their disappointments, take responsibility or handle their own problems

The following speech patterns are passive

Long rambling sentences, beats around the bush, hesitant filled with pauses

Uses phrases such as, "If it wouldnt be too much trouble..." fill in words, such as, "maybe", "er", "um", "sort of"... apologies, such as, "Im terribly sorry to bother you", "Its only my opinion" or "I might be wrong", "It's not important" or "It doesnt matter", "Im useless", "Im hopeless" or "You know me"!

The body language of the passive person

Avoids eye contact ,wrings the hands
Laughing when expressing anger, covers the mouth, crosses the arms,lip biting

The underlying thoughts of the passive communicator.

My feelings, needs and thoughts are less important than your's, people will not like me

If I say no, someone might get upset and I will be responsible

There are some possible pay offs for being so damn agreeable.

Praise for being such a selfless person or avoiding blame for when things go wrong

Others will protect and look after you

Avoid/postpone or hide conflict in the short term, so that we can feel less anxious

The problem side of not communicating and sublimating your needs. Yes there is always a down side!

Built up of stress and anger can lead to an emotional explosion

Others will take you for granted and ask more and more from you

You become stuck in relationships that arent meeting your needs and then dont know how to get out of them, you become what you think other people want you to be so they will love you

All that unexpressed anger has to go somewhere and your self esteem plummets

So the old "It is easier not to say anything" doesn't ring true after all.

Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash
Unsplash Glen Carrie

The truth of it is - if you are not able to express your needs because the people around you don't want to hear, can't hear, don't make it safe to do so or you believe that to do so will lead to you not having friends or relationships then it is time to reflect on that.

No relationship of any quality will require you to put yourself down to participate in it.

It might just be time for you to find your voice.
The voice that will lead to you being heard.
The voice that will lead you to improved relationships with self and others.

I like this Question - 1
[ Submit an Answer ]
More Articles by Shelley Murphy
0 answers
view all articles by Shelley Murphy
Articles by Shelley Murphy on Other Hubs
All this reflection on the upcoming winter and how we will manage the change of season lead me t...
Perfectionism is all or nothing thinking
We really start to grow into our true potential when we stop looking "out there" for the quali...
1 answer
ID: 88104
Trending Articles
Copyright 2012-2018 OatLabs ABN 18113479226. mobile version